My whole life I have had this grand idea of living out of an RV and seeing the world. Well now that we are living in an RV I am seeing that this life is not necessarily the easiest. My biggest shortcoming right now in all of this is money. Sure, I have had grand schemes in my head on how to “make” money, but have not done any of them. Now my in-action has put me in a place where I am having to look at things in a different light to maintain my happiness, and quite failing at it. I truly believe there are messages for us everywhere. As an example, I am subscribed to get daily messages from The Secret and Daily Horoscope. The Secret said that I needed to be happy now, without the money (geesh, they just knew eh?), and the horoscope said I needed to let go and let change happen. I have been holding on tight to my previous way of life, and trying to mold it into our new. It just won’t work. My life is different now, I need to embrace change or go back to where we were. Baby steps is what I need to learn right now; the lesson that life is teaching me. I have always been a very compulsive person, and the kind of person that doesn’t like to take things slowly. Balls to the wall, see it, take the picture, buy the shirt. Life is so different now, it is not what I thought it to be. I have so much time! And time seems to move so slowly. I have more time to read, write, paint, take photos, teach Cardin. And what do I do with this time? Worry and stress. Silly really, I have so much to be happy for. So very much. The plain honest part of it is that I am alone and scared. These are the two scary monsters under my bed. Having no place to call home but a big purple rectangle on wheels, and only being able to connect with people I love through the means of words on a screen. It is hard, I never knew that family was so important to me. That support, especially for a single mother, the love, the companionship. The thought that I will never find someone to share my life with, to share my son with, …. Well, it has been taking its toll on me lately. I must let it go and be ok with being alone. Because this scares me, I know I must do it.
Another thing that has been getting under my skin is the aesthetic look of the RV. At first it was fun and retro, now that I am living in it, it has become old and “just falling apart”. My updating and “fixing” (I am no carpenter) has just made it feel “hobo”. Not the feeling I wanted in this whole experience. It really is interesting the things we find out about ourselves. I never realized that the look of things was really that important to me. I am humbly proven wrong. Lesson two in this, letting go of what others think, or better phrased, what I think, they will think.
So, if you don’t see too many of our red points turn to blue right away, it is because we are struggling to learn Baby Steps. I love you all so much!!

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