Where does a girl even begin! Long sad history short, the last time I met my father’s side of the family I was 2, and I met my father for the first time since I was 2 about 4 years ago. The biggest reason for coming to California was to be able to meet the family that was denied to me growing up. I am honestly having difficulty in expressing how happy this re-union was for me, and sad. I have honestly delayed in writing this because I have so many un-resolved feelings and I am not sure how to deal with them, or how to express them. I will start in the order I met them 🙂
Uncle Darius 🙂 I was so nervous to meet him, I only knew him on FB and we had never talked. I didn’t know if he would hate me, if he was mean, etc. haha He was and is the sweetest man I have ever met! I enjoyed sitting there chatting with him about our lives. He was the only person from this side of the family that I had ever had a picture of as a child. Next I met my Aunt Daria, cousins Barry and Dariel, and my 2nd cousins (Barry’s girls) …. bah! I can’t remember their names! I hope they can forgive me! I was so nervous, I didn’t know what to say or to do. I think I just stood there and didn’t say anything, I was overwhelmed and part of me just wanted to hug them all forever and not let go. I think that little girl inside of me that hid away a long time ago is starting to come out of hiding and into healing. My Aunt Daria was beautiful, kind, and funny. My cousins were the same. I am still trying to figure out exactly how to express what I am feeling here, the clearest feeling I have had is this hatred toward my mother. And I have been running from it instead of dealing with it. She took us away from such loving people, to keep us in places where she and others abused us. I have disliked my mother but never truly hated her. Hate is such a strong emotion and it scares me. The past cannot be changed and I need to let it go. Because after all, it can’t be changed.
Well, I just wanted to give a quick little insight into what I have been dealing with and share in the excitement with you as I get to meet my family!! As I am able to further gather my feelings into coherent sentences I will write some more about my wonderful family. I just need to “process” everything a little more 🙂 To my family reading this, I love you all and I am so happy that you are in my life again!