Forgiving Myself

I have learned many hard lessons over the last few months, and still more to learn. I would like to say that I have come out ‘on top’ and feel great about the outcome of things but I let my emotions and anger get the best of me and I stooped to the level of those that were pushing me around for their own gain. Strangely the biggest thing I learned about myself is that I still let people walk all over me, but the second someone lays in on my child a fury comes out that is almost uncontrollable. I MUST start protecting myself with the same ferocity that I protect my son with. My last living situation was not very good (don’t get me wrong, there were some happy times, but for the most part it was a very difficult situation and I felt like I was walking on egg shells most of the time), I tried to make light of it but I can honestly see why so many others have left the position, hid in their rooms, or were fired. I don’t regret anything I have said over the past couple of months, I meant every word, it was how I was feeling at the moment and some parts I still feel today. I do however feel that some of the things I shared for support could have been worded privately to my closest friends but I felt attacked, and instead of being the better person I did exactly what she did on her page and ‘fought back’.  I think horrible children are the result of bad parenting, not the child. I am not saying I am perfect in any stretch of the parenting word, but my son is kind and respectful and when he isn’t he has consequences, and as alone as I have felt over the years I have never used my son as a companion. He is my son, my child, not someone to keep me company because I am feeling alone or insecure. This was one of the hardest things to witness over the last few months, some parts I would even say were very close, if not completely, child abuse. I have cut all ties with everyone I met in Louisiana, but I am still haunted by them. I became someone I am not and I am having a hard time letting that feeling go. I was contemplating writing to them but I don’t feel they deserve an apology, yet in the same breath the apology would not be for them but for myself.  I suppose I can just simply say here and to myself that I forgive myself….

“Anna, I forgive you <3”

I feel so much better 😀 Thank you for taking the time to read my passing thoughts on this beautiful day ❤ Time to move on and continue shining and living 😀

Published by DragonflyRose

I was born in California, spent my childhood in Colorado, grew up in Washington, and now live in Maine with my boyfriend, son, daughter, dog, and cat! I hope to inspire and keep growing!

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