I have gone through many transformations in my life, but I have never regressed to the extent that I have over the last 8 months. Being here I have felt like I was 13 again. Like life just halted and took me back to a time, place, and person I no longer am. I have spent this time battling with things like learning how to communicate again, standing up for myself, depression, anxiety, rumors, and the list goes on. I have realized that I have held onto only one thing from my childhood, an idea of who someone close to me is, or was. I have always had in my life that one person that I could confide in, could tell all my sorrows to, cry on, and in turn them just listen without judgement, without simply hating all other parties involved. I have never had this with this person, over the years we have simply found each other and shared our lives. Neither of us are who we thought the other to be. I feel like I can let go of this idea I have had for so many years, and be at peace. Like I can fully be who I am, without some lingering past version of myself butting it’s way in. My future is empty and ready to be drawn and written in the way I choose, me… No one else, no other force. I make the decisions I do because it is what I want, what my heart is directing me to do, and I am tired of defending that. And I should never have to, and I never will again. It hurts to grow, but that is what makes us grow, that pain. The sadness, the hurt. I look back and feel silly for the way in which I behaved in certain moments, but I needed these moments to grow, to become stronger, to be me and no one else. I don’t need anyone, those in my life are here because I enjoy them here, I value them immensely, and I love them. Plain and simple, now it’s time to move on ❤

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