I feel as though I am always suffering, there are always major emotions that I am battling. I have tried to sit and delve into them, to let the chaos, the river of lava burn my soul. To let it engulf me so that I can heal from the fire. But, this, this requires time. When Ruby is finally asleep, and the house as clean as my energy will allow, I just want to welcome sleep with nothing but an exhausted body and mind. All are my choices, I chose to have another baby, I chose to begin working again, I choose to take on all the household responsibilities.