I am being swallowed,
consumed,
by a blackness that I cannot escape.

I feel it hanging heavily from every limb and organ of my body.

I am like the Lake Natron,
A beautifully deadly water,
I will turn you into a calcified corpse.

Maybe I myself am just that.

Where Medusas stare once held me,
I now float through life,
a lifeless statue.

I know so many methods,
and have so many tools,
To help me escape this.

But I am trapped,
Trapped by the black tar that holds me.

I don’t expect you to understand,
I don’t talk about this because you can never understand.

You cannot walk my shoes,
You would never survive the maze of my mind,

But I don’t blame you,
I don’t hate you,
Even though at times I do.

Even when good things happen,
The joy within me is only temporary,
And It fades like the moon fades from a clouded sky.

I am stuck in a loop,
A hallway that continues forever with no doors.

You will never understand me,
and this is where love dies.

I cannot be what you want me to be…