My Life Focus, Art

Good morning, all my lovely readers, I am inspired. Life inspired. I have struggled with ‘who am I?’ and ‘why am I here?’ for my entire life. Over the past couple of months, I have gone through some drastic changes in my life, and my outlook on life. One of the first lessons I was faced with was brought up by a song, by Macklemore, I heard on the radio. I am horrible with names so I can’t recall the title of the song, but of the lines was ‘well at least you’re happy’ and he was talking about an ex that was trying to be friends after she broke it off with him because she wasn’t happy. He was talking about how he was miserable but at least she was happy. At that moment I realized that I have only ever taken into account my own happiness, I wholeheartedly want others to be happy as well but not at the expense of my own happiness.

I affect everyone around me, and my love, hate, anger, peace will ripple. When I make a choice it affects everyone. When I was unhappy it wasn’t because of some outside force, but that is where I was putting it. I put my unhappiness on my marriage, the feelings of being stuck, feeling like my kids hate me, etc. This was all in my head and I was going to run, yet again. Because running is the easy way out for me, running lets me start over. But, I am grateful for the situation we are in, I have no easy way ‘out’ and it has forced me to face myself head-on. What right do I have to destroy someone’s life because I am not ‘happy’, especially someone I love? That is the easy and horribly destructive path out. But I don’t want to be out, I want to be all in. I want to live on the edge with love, with acceptance, with truly being a caring human.

I love my life, I love my family, I love myself. How did I get here you ask? By taking care of myself. By cutting out things that were drastically hurting my body, like caffeine. I have also lowered my sugar drastically, I still consume it and have moments of overconsumption but it is not daily anymore, and I can now go weeks without if I have to. I have also begun managing my stress. I do this by communicating, writing, doing art, getting the task that needs to be done completed (still working on this one). My anxiety is still here with me, it always will be, but by sitting around and just letting it take me has created some health issues for me, along with some bad eating habits and weight gain.

I have also rekindled my spirituality, I draw an oracle card every day to set focus and I do tarot readings when I need them. I am trying to get back into my Yoga and I focus on positive intentions every day. All these have helped me crawl out of the hole I have been hiding in. Because I have in fact been hiding, I have been hiding since I was a little girl and it is time to emerge from my long slumber and set my mighty roar upon the world. No more hiding. I got a message the other day from some readings and it was ‘What would you do if you were not afraid?’ This message stuck with me for weeks! And last week I finally took the leap and went for it. I created a YouTube Channel, a Patreon page and I started converting my social media accounts to serve my artist purposes. I also started listening to friends instead of taking their constructive criticism as an attack. I feel strong, vibrant, rested, and I am ready to attack my world and make the best life I can. This being said, my passion is art or anything that lets me create. So come along the adventure with me as I document my art and the process that I go through to be who I am as an artist. I also talk about what I do and what helps me heal. I hope that my life inspires you and thank you for reading! ❤

My YouTube: Art with Anna, Dragonfly Rose

My Patreon: Anna Burdette is Creating…

My Facebook Page: Dragonfly Rose Art

Empty Explanations

I wish I could explain how much anger and frustration hurts me,
How it breaks me down into some hollow shell of a being,
How it turns my heart black.

I wish I could explain the way my heart breaks when my children don’t want me around,
Or my very presence seems to annoy them.

I wish I could explain.

I wish you could see and feel through my heart and soul.

Today, I just want to run away from all of it.

There is more anger and frustration here than love at times,
And it is too heavy to carry.

I wish I could explain how the years of trying to make everyone happy,
every single day,
has worn me to the point of unhappiness.

I wish I could explain that I know it is of my own doing.

But the explanations have become exhausting,
I am so very tired,
And I have been reduced to nothing more than this hollow empty shell.

California Chapter Coming to a Close

When I write sometimes words only come to me during feelings of intense emotions. I share them because I like the way my mind creatively put the words together, not that I necessarily still feel the same way. The last post I shared was just one of those instances, I just wanted to clarify 🙂  I live an amazing life and I am happier than I have ever been, and as our chapter in California is coming to a close I look back with a happy heart of our time here. Sure there were hardships, life’s trials, broken hearts, and hurt feelings. But there was also so much love and light that it made the sad times worth it. Leaving in November is bittersweet for me. On one hand I get to live my life that way I have always wanted to live, Gypsy Free! and on the other I have to leave behind newfound friends, newfound family, but the hardest part is leaving my dad. As we will only be gone physically, and we will most definitely be visiting, I wish I could just pack him and Pita up for the ride. But maybe I will be able to talk him into getting a new bike and taking some travels as well 🙂 I just wanted to say I love you all and I think of you all often, and only in the best light. Expect some entries about our adventures here, and the ones we have yet to take! Coming up soon Oak Glen, Torrey Pines, and others 😀 We will also be going to Yosemite soon and staying for a few days! ❤