A Chasing Phase

So long I have chased the past,

Through tangling vines and thorns.

To find myself pained and scarred.

What once was,

And People we once ran to,

Are no more. There is no solace in their words or company,

Only empty past versions of who we once were.

The wind blows so fiercely here to tell us to move with it,

Not to stay.

I used to look to past flames,

Search them out.

Strings holding me to an idea of who I once was,

And wanted. But no more.

Depression, anxiety, anger

Is what lies for us when we try to catch our past fireflies fleeing in the night.

We are who we are in this very moment,

No past echo of who we were will ever be again.

Our future selves are unwritten upon the pages of life,

Blank canvases,

We choose who we are,

Who we will be.

The lessons we learn show us who we are and who we are not.

We grow, we change, we evolve.

This is who we truly are,

Evolutionary Beings, Constantly changing.

Sedona and Back Again

The crisp early morning air of Southern California should have been a clear sign that further down the road would be very much cooler, but it didn’t stop or deter us from starting on our journey at the beginning of December. I was bound and determined to get to Sedona, Arizona, come hell or high water. I had wanted to go, and spend time there, for years, and I plowed my way there without much planning or stopping. I learned a lot from this first trip, which was supposed to take 3 weeks but ended up around 4 days.

We drove through all the familiar places, passed through Palm Springs (which was the furthest we had been in that direction) and found ourselves at our first stop, the Salton Sea. It was a very interesting place. Many warned us about the smell, but we arrived on a cool day and there was almost no smell at all aside from the smell of salty water, like the ocean. We enjoyed lunch here among the birds and the beach. It didn’t have sand like a standard beach would have had, although from a distance it looked like it was endless white sand, upon further investigation I found that it was tiny pieces of dead barnacles and fish bones. Like an aquatic graveyard, both surreal and a bit horrifying as I crunched over millions of little ‘dead bodies’ to get to the water, where I snapped some pictures of the hundreds of birds that flew and swam around the water.  *Don’t let my edited pictures fool you, there were hundreds!! I edited a bunch of them out of some of my shots because I was trying to focus on one certain bird.* It was a peaceful afternoon and I will most definitely be going back there again soon, in the early morning air though 😉

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

We piled back in the car and continued on our journey. I wanted to make it to the Petroglyph Site in Southern Arizona before night fall. What was supposed to be a 6 hour drive was closer to 10!! I was ready to get out of that damn car! I had had just enough in cash for 2 days (this was including a ton of change) but we decided to stay only one night. First lesson learned, if you can stay somewhere longer, do it! I attempted to erect our tent in the evening wind, and the whole damn thing actually flew away from me a few times! I am sure if there were anyone else around I would have been very embarrassed, along with amusing as it would have been a silly sight for sure! The Petroglyph Site was interesting but we were expecting a lot more than a huge pile of volcanic rocks in the middle of a vast nowhere. There were some large mountainous hills in the distance, which if we stayed we probably would have tried to go up and explore them, but I let Cardin talk me into heading out the next morning. 2nd lesson, take in consideration the wishes of a 10 year old (almost 11) but don’t base decision solely on that! I think if we had stayed that 2nd night I wouldn’t have been as ragged, because I would have had a chance for a bit of rest.

After trying to get a good nights sleep on some pointy rocks the morning came and we ate some rice from the night before that tasted like dirt… Won’t be buying that brand again (also didn’t help that Cardin got some dirt in the bowls haha :D) packed up the tent and headed toward the Sonoran Desert National Monument, which I was never able to find. I drove and drove all over that damn place and I couldn’t figure out where the hell it was! So we kept driving, and when we reached a town I got gas and pulled out the trusty road map to figure out where the hell we would go next. I decided on the Petrified Forest, mind you it was now mid day and we were a good 5 hours away, but we went for it anyway. After endless driving through the Tonto National Forest I started to realize that we wouldn’t make it there by night fall, or it would be pretty damn close. So I looked where we were and realized that Sedona was the same distance as the Petrified Forest! 3rd lesson, take time to smell the roses. I should have just found a spot closer to where we were and enjoyed the area we were in. We pulled into Sedona after 5pm and it was pitch dark, I couldn’t find camping anywhere! It was too dark to see anything, I felt defeated and exhausted after driving around for a couple hours, we finally made ‘camp’ in the car. We have a very little car, after maneuvering items, Cardin had the back seat and I tried to sleep in the front seat in a seated position. Needless to say, I didn’t get any sleep. 4th lesson, make sure that, whatever vehicle we may be traveling in, we have equipped it for more comfortable emergency car camping.

(picture from another adventure, just to show how small the car is)

DSC_0238

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

As the morning crept in, we sat and waited for the sun to continue rising and for the defrost to completely dry out the windows. I searched on my ‘not so reliable’ phone for nearby visitors centers, only one open for the season. We drove all the way there for it to be closed until 9 am…. Not knowing the area and stressing about cash flow I was leery on just going into some diner for warm drinks. Lesson 5, don’t think so much. Sometimes you have to let go and go with a peaceful flow, knowing everything will be alright, even if you have just one little decadence, like a warm morning drink until the center opens. When the visitor center opened we were told that the pass we needed could only be purchased from a ranger, and that they only came into the city during certain times. So, we drove a while longer to the nearest ranger station that was open to get the Beautiful America Pass (which also got us our campsite for half the price). Finally, pass in hand, we made our way all the way back, near the place we ‘car camped’, and setup camp at the Manzanita campground. Campfire roaring we made breakfast and then headed for a couple hikes.

I am not sure why the Manzanita campground got voted most beautiful campground. It was very pretty, but very small and there was no real way ‘out’ of the grounds. There were no hikes close by and we were sandwiched between two bluffs, so it was cold! Since we exhausted the extent of ‘hiking’ around our campsite we decided to try out one of the hikes that was further up the road, The Midgley Bridge trail. There were a couple different options to take with this trail but as it was nearing 2pm and the sun would be going down in a few hours we decided for the shorter loop. It was amazing, and so very beautiful. The hike also got our blood flowing so we were all nice and toasty! Which didn’t last long when we got back to our camp. We headed to bed as soon as the sun went down, so pretty early, which was fine because we were both exhausted! However, it got below freezing that night so Cardin and I tried to share sleeping bags with not much luck. We were both freezing all night, Cardin more than I as he decided to sleep in his undies.  Lesson 6, when it comes to warm clothing more is better, especially in terms of thick socks and super warm fuzzy pajamas! Maybe even a two person sleeping bag would be a good idea, since body heat is what got us through that night with a tad of sleep.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The morning sun began to illuminate our tent, not bringing warmth but fear. Neither of us wanted to crawl out of the somewhat warm blankets and sleeping bags to brave the crisp frosty air. We quickly dressed in all of our coats and laced our shoes, and exited the tent with already frozen toes and fingers. Cardin was NOT happy, not one little bit. I did my best to start a fire quickly, but it wasn’t big enough to really heat us up, and he began to breakdown. Every two seconds he complained about how cold he was, and that his feet hurt so very badly. I didn’t know what to do, he wouldn’t stop. He started crying, so I finally decided to put him (along with Luna, who I have found also needs warm weather gear and doggie boots) in the car and turned on the heater. But that took a while to heat up and the entire time he wallowed in the car. Screaming and crying. I felt like I was going to lose my mind, I am very sad to say that I didn’t handle this situation very well at all. And to make matters worse the campers next to us were looking at me like I was some sort of child abuser. It was not a very good morning at all. Lesson 7, breathe and don’t get so upset. Try to be more understanding and compassionate, being tired and exhausted is no excuse. I packed the tent as best I could, put out the fire and decided to call this adventure done.  Feeling defeated, we started our journey back home. We stopped a couple times for gas and to eat but we made it back that evening. And I would like to add that the stretch of highway 10 from Arizona to California is the most torturous stretch of flat nothingness road I have ever been on, it felt like it would never end. I was so relieved when that stretch of road was done! 280 miles of straight dessert and very small towns about every 60 miles or so. This was by far a huge learning trip for us and a great reminder that we need to slow down, slow down a lot, and know that it is okay hibernating our traveling shoes for the Winter, and that planning needs to be more thought out and more in depth. We are going to be heading out again for Arizona and Utah mid April. Until then, we will be exploring Southern California a bit more ❤ I would also like to say thank you to Hanna Elaine Harmon and Ian Catchpole ❤ your donations covered most of our fuel cost along the way, we love you!! ❤

Whisper

An Original Song by Anna M Koonce


Whisper Lyrics
Whisper, Do you hear me? x2
I’m Calling out to you
Oh, Darling
Darling
Baby
The wind, It carries my love
From this desert, of my heart
I can feel the walls around me
Buckle, with the shock
Calling x3
T’ward the sea
Oh, Fill me
Fill me
Darling
whisper do you hear me? x2
I’m swimming in a love
so, Deeply
Deeply
Quenching
This desert, once so barren
is now the floor of the sea
and within its very waters
you swim beside me
Loving x3
For all time
in Each other
Always, forever
Whisper do you hear me? x2
You whisper x2
I love you.

She Dreams

She sits,
Dreams,
A poetic tale.
The wind,
gently caressing her skin,
like a long lost lover.
She stands,
Dreams,
a harmonic note.
The tree,
Its bark rough upon her hand,
Its energy fills her spirit.
She dances,
Dreams,
The beat captures her soul.
The ground moves,
With her joyous dance,
Like a promenade between woman and earth.
She leaps,
Dreams,
Weightless like the air.
Carried by the wind,
Like a leaf dancing on its sails.
She sings,
Dreams,
An angelic note.
Tones carrying through the air,
Like velvet upon ears.
She lies upon the grass,
She Dreams,
Eyes open,
Soul open,
Heart open.

Humankind’s Legacy

The dew, it settles, on this dirty city.
But it does not wash away.
A cool rain temporarily cleans away the filth
But will never return it to the pristine of nature.
He says that he is for the betterment of our world,
And yet, only destruction lies in his path.
Experiments at the scientists hands, hurt before they heal.
What kind of world are we creating?
A prison of rules and regulations,
No one is free.
No one is free on a planet that we were all born upon,
That belongs to no one.
Do you see that forest over there?
Never-mind, it now sits in your living room
For all to gawk and stare.
I do not care what you believe,
I see the world from an outside view.
There is most definitely a sickness in the mind of man.
Denying it only holds it true,
Admitting it free’s you from its shackles,
And shows you the truth.
Do you remember the Passenger Pigeon?
The last one died in a zoo in 1914
One guess as to how their extinction was brought about.
Humans are a plague upon this planet.
We reproduce and multiply like roaches, rats, flies, weeds…
Let me ask you this,
Why do you want children, if you want any?
Why do you want to pro-create?
I assure you they are all for selfish reasons,
We are the weeds upon the planet.
We treat our world like we have another one to go to.
I would gladly lay down my life for the survival of another species.
Would you?
We destroy and we consume,
For our pleasures sake,
For our laziness sake.
If we stop our consuming today, all of us, everyone
Would we be able to clean our planet?
Do you know where your non-recyclable, toxic, trash goes?
I do…
I recently discovered that most of our recyclable trash goes to a landfill in India…
A wise man once told me,
“We can never kill our planet. But we can make it so we cannot live upon it, cannot survive in its air, cannot live on its ground”
I agree.
The planet will continue on spinning after we have all died away.
Maybe the planet will do the “dirty” work for us,
Maybe another ice age will come our way and hit the reset button on our planet.
So, lets just keep on doing what we are doing
And wait for some other force to fix all of our problems.

Finding Community

It feels as though my heart is scattered across the world; beating for people whom I love, loved, met, and haven’t met; places I have been, and those I dream of; and event’s that I have attended, participated, and yet to be experienced. I am a wanderer, this I have accepted about who I am. My hunger for knowledge, growth, and new experiences will only be satiated when I leave this world to go on to the next. But, as I am a mommy, I must reign in, and stable, that wild horse that wants to run as fast as she can with the wind. Which means that I must find a community of people that are like myself, people to talk to, new friends, a support emotionally and physically. I found that today when we attended a church that was a little on a different path, but resonated with both of us. It was the Universalist Unitarian Church of Riverside, I have found a spiritual family here in Riverside. And as I am unsure as to the length of our stay here, today was a grand day, and a meeting of what I know are to be lifelong friends. So as an update to the craziness of what is our lives, I know that my last post was very gey skied and I want to let everyone know that things are 100% better 🙂 We are still going to be travelling, but they will just be in smaller quantity than before envisioned 🙂 Things are getting better with Cardin’s behavior and his school work! Which makes me feel great! As for being a single mommy who home schools… well, still working out the making of money part, I think I need to open up my creative mind a little more in that arena. Thank you all who read this, I will do my best to be more active here on our blogs. Cardin has 2 blogs written already!! I need to post them, expect them soon!

Gypsy Soul

Like moth’s to a flame they come whirling toward me, like the waters of a rolling rapid on the brink of a falling curtain of water. My dreams overwhelm my mind, my body, my soul, and spirit. I feel the breeze and I have a pull to flow wherever it happens to be blowing, to be a gypsy traveling on the tail of the wind. I gaze upon the cloud filled sky and see a bird soaring the heavens, it’s freedom beckon’s to me, whispering the dreams that I buried years ago. Like sky nymphs they tease and tantalize my senses, reminding me of what it truly means to be living on this planet. We are not meant to be prisoners of these concrete towers that house the many things that occupy our wasting time. The dragon guarding our sky-scraping tower is fear in our minds, and we are our own knight’s in shining armor.